Lost Angel
by YuukiRI
Summary: Sakura had nothing. She gave them everything but got nothing in return. They say they wish she would disappear. She doesn't blame them, she believes she is wrong. She decides to atone for her sins. But... what exactly did Sakura do?CURRENTLY BEING EDITED
1. Chapter 1: Atonement

**Hi Everyone!**

**oOYukixYuriOo here!**

**This story is my third story. The idea just popped into my head and I didn't want to lose it. Hope you enjoy it!**

**WARNING: I do not own CCS  
**

**Atonement  
**

_She came from the heavens,_

_She fell from the sky,_

_A lost angel._

Tears stained my fragile skin; I was alone in a corner with no one comfort me, hold me or support me. It isn't supposed to be like this. Why does everyone hate each other? Why do they hate me? Why can't everything be like it's supposed to be? Because everything was my fault.

Eleven years later at the age of sixteen I was going to transfer to a new school after being home schooled for nine years. I was independent, my heart was closed and my feelings were sealed away. I did not dream dreams. I did not try pointless things. I did not believe in things that aren't there.

People would usually misunderstand me, thinking I had a cruel family to make me this way. But it was a complete lie; my family was good warm hearted people. I had understanding parents, and an overprotective but kind older brother. My family was rich so I had good meals and places to sleep. I was very fortunate. Even though I had a past that was unforgivable they still allowed me to stay with them.

I grabbed my flute and my notebook and pencil, I never left without it. Why? Because I'm mute, its not that I can't speak I refuse to speak. Ever since I was six years old I believed I should just keep quiet and melt into the darkness. So it would be like I'm never there, people won't have to bother with me and they can just forget about me.

I had a musical talent and the instruments I mainly played were the flute and piano. I could play any other instrument just as well, but these two were my favorites. I was extremely good in singing but since I'm mute I can't really sing anymore can I? I used music to express my feelings. When I play I feel like I have wings, it is the most wonderful feeling I ever felt. When I felt sad and lonely I played quietly and timidly. When I felt angry I played loudly and roughly. Music was the best way for me to say things.

I left my house and started walking to no where in particular. I started to admire the spring flowers as I pass by, as the wind played with my long auburn hair. I suddenly heard a load creaking sound it made my shoulders jump up in surprise. I covered my ears, it sounded like someone who was playing the violin very, very badly. I tried to ignore it but the musician in me made me head towards it and see if that horrible violist needed help. I entered a seemingly vacant park I turned my head to both sides twice. I walked around the park, it had an amazingly beautiful garden, and I was so completely entranced by its loveliness that I crashed into someone. We both fell on the floor.

"Shit," I heard a masculine voice swear.

I looked up and saw a pair of amber eyes. I got up and dusted myself and picked up my things. The guy I noted, had the messiest hair I have ever seen, he had a muscular body and handsome face. It would be a wonder if his personality was great too.

"That actually hurt." I heard him speak again. He picked up my flute which was lying on the grass and passed it to me. "Here."

I nodded and took it and bowed in appreciation. Behind me I heard a feminine voice. "Syaoran what's going on?"

I turned to see a beautiful female who seemed the same age as me. She had long raven hair and striking ruby eyes. She was holding a violin. She must have been the one who was playing that screeching sound earlier.

"Did you do something again Syaoran?" Another male voice entered behind the girl holding the violin. He had blue hair and knowing eyes, a similar muscular build to the person they called Syaoran and no-rim glasses. He was holding onto the hand of another astonishing girl. She had long ivory black hair and pure white skin and kind looking amethyst eyes.

"No, I just crashed into this girl." Syaoran answered pointing at me.

"Oh, were terribly sorry, "The ivory hair girl rushed over to me. "Syaoran just doesn't know where he's suppose to look sometimes."

I shook my head.

"She probably was wondering what that horrible screeching sound that Meiling made was." Syaoran pulled his hands behind his head.

"I'm not that bad!" The raven haired girl who seemed to be called Meiling said. Her friends looked at her, than she corrected herself. "ok, maybe a bit bad."

"I wouldn't call it a bit bad. You could practically break all the windows in the school when you play for your music test!" Syaoran snorted. "Why do you think we told you to go to the park? We didn't want you to destroy our house!"

"Shut up Syaoran! I just can't do well in music ok? Tomoyo can't help me because she doesn't know how to play! And this is the only instrument I can actually make a sound with!" Meiling screamed.

"If you ask me I think it would be better to get an instrument you can't make a sound with." Syaoran muttered.

"I didn't ask you!" Meiling yelled furious.

"Sorry Meiling, I only know how to play piano and sing," The girl beside me apologized. I think her name is Tomoyo.

"I'm not blaming you Tomoyo so don't worry," Meiling looked at her kindly.

Wow what a complete attitude change, fast too.

"But what am I going to do? The stupid music test is in three days!" She whined. Then she turned her head to me and walked over to me with teary eyes. "Hey do you know how to play violin? Can you play the song 'The Angel of Melodies'? Can you teach me?"

What and odd person, asking someone she barely just met to play a song and teach her violin, what if the person she asked didn't know the song? I do but she still is really odd. I sweat dropped.

"Meiling don't be stupid, your scaring her you know. She's not used to your weird personality. Anyway didn't you see her flute case she's holding? She only plays the flute, she can't help you." Syaoran told her.

Meiling turned to my hand which was holding my flute, she sighed. "Your right." She bent her head in despair.

I felt sorry for her, that and the fact that the music side of me is telling me to help her. I place my stuff on a rock and held out my hand so she can give me the violin.

She looked up, "you're telling me to hand you the violin?"

I nodded.

"Hey! Are you sure you can even play? Just because she asked you doesn't mean you have to pretend." The blue-haired guy yelled.

How rude! Just because I can play flute doesn't mean I can't play other instruments as well. I placed the violin in position and visualized the piece 'The Angels of Melodies' inside my mind. Then I began to play the beautiful and happy piece telling a story about angels. Each note told me part of the story as I listened to it. I noticed some amazed faces staring at me, especially Syaoran. The song soon came to the end and I passed her violin back to her.

"Oh my god you're awesome!" Meiling screamed. "Do you play both flute and violin?"

I nodded my head.

"Wow! Can you please help me on this? I need to pass the music test or I would fail!"

I nodded my head again in reassurance.

"Yeah!" Meiling cheered as she jumped up and down.

"Hey, can't you speak? You haven't said a single word since we met." Syaoran asked.

I turned my head and saw Tomoyo bonk him on the head. "Syaoran, that is very rude! Where are your manners?"

"Isn't she being rude? She isn't saying anything at all, like she thinks she's better than everything!' Syaoran argued.

I gave a soundless sigh as I lifted up my notebook and pencil and wrote that I was mute. I turned my book and showed it to them.

"You're mute?" Syaoran said the words slowly.

I nodded my head.

"Sorry, didn't know" He apologized.

I shook my head, trying to tell him he wasn't at fault.

I wrote down something to ask Meiling if she could try playing for me. While she did I noticed that she wasn't even positioning the violin under her chin properly. Her fingers moved to slow when she changed notes and she presses the bow too hard on the strings! No wonder she sounds horrible I wrote down what she needed to correct. She started playing following my instructions; I adjusted a few things while she was playing until her screeching actually sounded like music.

When we finally finished she could at least play all the notes without squeaking. Her friends were amazed. "Thank you so much, I didn't know how I was going to survive if before you helped me."

I nodded.

"Oh yeah I haven't exactly introduced myself yet have I? My name is Meiling Li, and that grouchy guy over there is my cousin Syaoran Li. The two lovebirds over there are Eriol Hiiragizawa and Tomoyo Daidōji. What's your name?"

I quickly wrote my name when I finished she read it out loud. "Sakura Kinimoto. Well thanks Kinimoto"

I nodded and began walking away my stuff. Interesting bunch of people, that's what it must be like to have friends. It must be nice to have friends not that I'll ever need it. Friendship is something I'll never allow myself to have, because everything I've been doing so far is the atonement for my sins.

**Thanx 4 Reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: Hot and Cold

**Hot and Cold  
**

_Misplace and unwanted,_

_Injured and unaided,_

_She had nothing more than broken wings,_

_A lost angel._

For nine years I was home-schooled and was finally going to a public school. I was entering a school called Yuki no Yuri High as a transfer student. I was driven to school by my mother, while preparing myself for insults and questions about being mute. I got lost in my thoughts as my mother drove me to school. My mother dropped me of and said her usual goodbyes. I nodded my head to tell her I heard her.

I went straight to the office and one of the ladies lead me to a classroom. I stayed outside while she talked with the teacher. When I finally entered the classroom, Ai-sensei introduced me. "Everybody we have a new transfer student." Whispers were heard right after; Ai-sensei cleared his throat. "Her name is Sakura Kinomoto; she can't talk, so she'll communicate to you by writing in her notebook." I bowed in respect, when I went back up I noticed the four people I met yesterday Meiling-san, Li-san, Daidoji-san and Hiiragizawa-san. They were staring at me a bit surprised.

"Kinomoto-san, you will sit in front of Meiling-san. Meiling-san can you raise your hand." Ai-sensei asked.

Meiling-san did as she was told. I walked to the seat in front of Meiling-san. The entire lesson I had to endure some stares. No laughing at least, that was a good sign. When the period ended I packed up my things, I had a free period next according to my schedule. I decided I should walk around campus to get to know the place.

Suddenly, Meiling popped out of nowhere and said. "You have a free period? Do you want me to show you around school?"

I shook my head.

"Come on I insist! You helped me with the violin remember?" She persisted.

I gave in and nodded.

She smiled and shouted "Let's go!" She took my hand and led me through the hallways. We saw her friends along the way so she shouted. "Hey! Syaoran! Tomoyo! Eriol!"

They came over and Syaoran asked. "What?"

"Come help me show Kinimoto around the school." Meiling commanded.

"Sure"

"This way Kinomoto," Meiling guided me.

Meiling went to every room in the entire school; I hardly remember half of the places she told me. When we were finally done I thought they would leave me alone, but I was very, very wrong.

"Kinomoto can we call you Sakura?" Syaoran asked.

I shrugged. I that's what makes them happy sure, as long as I'm not troubling anyone.

"Ok then, Sakura it is," He said. "Sakura lets go eat lunch on the rooftop"

I looked at him and shook my head. I wanted to eat by myself so I wouldn't bother anyone.

"Let's go." He dragged me up the stairs, ignoring my refusal.

Meiling-san, Daidoji-san and Hiiragizawa-san had to leave for individual clubs they participate in. Li-san seemed to be very talk-able when they weren't around. He talked about useless things and smiled once or twice here and there. I found it to be a very nice but how come he didn't smile before? He seemed to be a grouchy type of person when I first met him too.

"Sakura how did you lose you voice?" He asked suddenly.

I looked at him. He quickly tried to cover it up. "If you don't want to say its okay, I'm just curious."

He thinks I lost my voice, when I could still talk if I wanted to. I wrote down that I didn't lose my voice.

When he read it he looked confused. "You didn't? Then why don't you talk?"

I wrote down because I couldn't.

He looked even more confused. "You just said you could"

'_I meant as I'm not allowed'_ I wrote.

"By who?" He pursued.

I gave off a silent sigh. Why am I even telling him this? For some reason I seem engrossed into his amber eyes whenever I look into them. _'Me. It is my atonement'_

"For what?" He was intrigued

I shook my head as I decided I shouldn't tell him anymore. He doesn't need to be troubled by my problems.

"Tell me." He persisted.

I shook my head again, more quickly this time.

"If you start something you have to finish it." He argued.

I took an intake of breath and wrote. _'For them'_

"Who's them?"

'_Would you just leave me alone?'_

"No"

'_Why do you want to know so much anyway?'_

"Do I need a reason?"

'_As of now, yes.'_

"You know you look livelier when you're irritated." He commented.

'_What?!'_

"You kind of looked lonely and sad in class. And your eyes held no emotions as if they were empty."

I sat there shocked. No one noticed before except my family, how did he know? And why does he even care? _'Sorry for being irritated'_ I apologized.

"Not at all, I like it better when you're like that. You should try talking again, people would like you more."

'_I don't want them to.'_

"Why?"

'_You just love asking questions don't you?'_

"Only when I ask you."

'_What's that suppose to mean?'_

"You're cute."

'I looked at him bewildered. What exactly was this guy thinking?

"You have nice eyes. It would look even prettier if you tried being happy."

'_I said this was my atonement.' _ I was paying no attention to his compliment.

"That you placed on yourself." He reminded me.

I nodded my head.

"Don't you think you deserve to be happy?"

I shook my head vigorously, that's it I'm leaving, and I got up and bowed slightly to tell him I was going.

"This conversation isn't over!" he yelled behind me.

To him it wasn't but to me it was. He really talked a lot, first he hardly talks at all and next he's a chatterbox. He's like hot and cold. I just didn't understand him, but when was the last time I understood anybody?

**I know it was kind of a boring chapter, but it'll get better in the next one!  
**

**Thanx 4 Reading!**


	3. Chapter 3: Queen of Bullies

**Queen of Bullies  
**

_Strong yet weak,_

_Cold yet kind, _

_Hateful yet loved,_

_A lost angel._

It was impossible. No matter where I go for lunch they would always find me. Especially Li-san, I see him most often since we take almost all the same classes. I sighed; at least I'll start having music classes today. Today I was going to have lunch on the rooftop. I opened my home made bento and started to eat.

"Sakura!"

That voice, it was Li-san. I nodded my head in acknowledgment when he sat down. I never started the conversation, Li-san did. He was trying to get me to talk again. No matter how many times I refused, he persisted. His friend's say that he talks more often because of me and that they never seen him try so hard on something before. I also heard rumors around the school about how he never acted this way before; he usually had an attitude but I see no type of person in the guy I'm talking to right now. What I saw was a kind, outgoing, warm person with cute smiles. I froze at the thought I just made. Cute smiles? Where did that come from? The heat must be getting to me.

But what did I do to 'change' him as his friends say? All I did was try to not do anything that might upset people around me. When they tried to be friends with me I refused, this was my atonement.

"Hey Sakura, I have music with you next don't I?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Why don't you try saying something?" He asked. This was the question he asked everyday.

I shook my head.

"You hardly ever write in that note book, what's the point of having it?" He asked yet another useless question.

I shrugged. Whenever he asked a question, I had to answer, or I would be reliving my mistake. I either nodded or shook my head or shrugged. People thought I was either cold or stuck up when I said I didn't want any friends. I did not mind, but for some reason this guy keeps trying to find me.

"Sakura, please say something. Even one word is fine." He pleaded.

I arched my brow. He truly is someone I will never understand. I shook my head.

"I'll make you speak one day, you can count on it." He proclaimed.

I was somewhat touched by his words, which was not something that happened everyday.

"Sakura you're coming with us to the amusement park today."

I looked at him. Here he goes again, taking me to places without asking first. I tell him to play with his friends and leave me alone, but he always says that I _am_ his friend. By 'us' I knew he meant Daidoji-san, Meiling-san and Hiiragizawa-san.

It's funny that I only met him a few days ago and I almost know everything about him, his favourite colour, band, music, hobby, food, subject and place. I knew what he hated the most. This was probably because he kept talking about himself every single day.

"Sakura whenever you write my name on your note book you always write Li-san" He suddenly mentioned

I nodded, not sure where this was going to.

"Well since I call you Sakura you have to call me Syaoran. No –san or –kun, just 'Syaoran' okay?"

I shook my head; I didn't treat him as a friend so I shouldn't do that.

"Why not?"

'_I am not allowed to have friends' _I wrote_._

"You and that atonement again! What did you do that was so bad?" Syaoran asked.

I did not move.

Syaoran calmed down a bit and said. "Alright don't tell me but you have to do it someday okay? Now call me Syaoran"

I nodded, to avoid him getting angry. This was getting really complicated. I had to be cold so he would leave me alone, but I have to be kind so he won't get angry. When I was in public I was strong against many insults that were thrown at me but I went weak when I was alone. Everybody hates me, but this guy and his friends seem to like me.

"Sakura, you know when we first bumped into each other; I thought you were some kind of ditz. But when I saw your eyes I thought they were the most beautiful thing I have other seen. Whenever I saw them I got drawn to you, I wanted to get to know you. When you played the violin, I actually saw a scene which the song is supposed to be about; I was completely awed at your playing. When you finished I wanted to hear it again and again." He paused.

I looked at him puzzled. What was he talking about? He was drawn to me? Why was he telling me this? What exactly is he trying to say?

"So when you transferred to my school I was surprised. When I talked to you, you seemed lonely, so I wondered why you tried pushing everyone away. I never seen you talk, let alone smile. That's why right now my greatest wish is to free you from your atonement and let you talk again. Then maybe you can finally smile" He turned to look at me. His face was kind and serious.

I looked at his eyes and tried to find any trace of deceit. None. His eyes were filled with only truth and kindness. I wanted to smile for him, but it was impossible I can't allow myself to be happy. Like I always told him this was my atonement that I placed on myself, I am not allowed to have happiness. That's why I took the most treasured possession from myself: my voice. I loved to sing, it was my greatest joy in life, but after that incident I forbid myself to do it anymore. I began writing in my notebook. _'Don't waste your time, its impossible.' _

"I'm not wasting my time, Sakura if I can make you talk again would you sing for me?" Syaoran asked.

I gazed at him.

"You told me you used to sing before this entire thing, so can you?" He asked again hopeful.

Why would he want to hear me sing? I gave in and wrote. _'That's if you can'_

Syaoran grinned from ear to ear. "Then it's a promise!"

I sighed and nodded my head.

"Lets go to music lunch is over." He grabbed my hand and took me to class.

I sat on a chair and he sat right next to me. I felt a piercing glare from behind me; I turned around to see Shiori Hano sitting with her friends. I heard that Hano-san has a huge crush on Syaoran and that she claims that he is hers. That's why I can guess what the glare was for. She probably hates me because Syaoran is always with me when I enter class and he always sits next to me. So I guess you could say she has every right to hate me. I glimpsed at the door and saw Meiling-san, Daidoji-san and Hiiragizawa-san enters and take a seat near us.

"Ok everyone get in your seats please." I saw a teacher with light gray hair and soft looking eyes come in. He was wearing casual clothes but not too casual, he also had round-rimmed glasses.

"He's Yukito Tsukishiro. We call him Yukito-sensei; he lets us because he's an easy going guy. He's only a few years older than us and is sometimes what you can say, dense." Syaoran filled me in.

I nodded.

"Ok everyone; we will be playing instruments today, to prepare for the playing test coming up. Remember that this test count in a big part of your mark." Yukito-sensei looked at a sheet of paper and paused. "Kinomoto-san?"

I stood up when he called.

"Do you play an instrument?" He asked kindly.

I nodded.

"Can you tell me which one?"

I lifted up my flute case to show him.

"The flute? Nice choice, it produces a very beautiful sound." He commented. "We are playing the song 'The Angel of Melodies' for the test please practice it. If you wish to have more time since you just transferred here, just tell me. You may sit back down now."

I sat down; I don't need extra time because I already know the song off by heart with all the instruments. Yukito-sensei kept talking about what he was looking for in our playing. When he finally finished and was about to let us practices I heard a sickly sweet voice behind me.

"Yukito-sensei!" I turned around to find Hano-san was the one who asked the question.

"Yes Hano-san?" Yukito-sensei looked up from his papers.

"Kinomoto-san wants to play the song 'The Angel of Melodies' on the piano for us. The hard version." She said innocently.

"Really? You mean the one for expert pianists which is beyond level ten?" He said cheerfully. Clearly he did not know that she was trying to bully me.

I was shocked, "The Angel of Melodies' piano version and beyond grade ten was hard for even expert pianists who plays piano for a living!

Syaoran and his friends try to say something but Hano-san quickly cut them off. "Yes!" The rest of the class snickered, knowing perfectly well that she was bullying me. Hano-san must really hate me.

"Why thank you, Kinomoto-san the piano is up here, would you come up here please?" Syaoran was right, he was dense.

I slowly walked up to the piano, because I couldn't say anything. Syaoran tried to tell him it wasn't true but Hano-san always cut his sentences off. I sat on the piano; Yukito-sensei placed the six-paged music sheet that even some expert pianists couldn't play on the stand. I placed my fingers on the piano as the rest of my classmates, waited for my doom. Syaoran of course was fidgeting because he couldn't do anything. I took a deep breathe as I looked at the complicated music sheet in front of me. What should I do?

**Thanx 4 Reading!**


	4. Chapter 4: Showing My Talent

**Showing My Talent  
**

_Beauty unmatched in more ways than one,_

_Heart of purity,_

_Face full of bliss,_

_A lost angel._

I made my decision, it was either going to end up completely horrible or somewhat good. I lifted by fingers slowly above the piano, I took a deep breath and started playing 'The Angel of Melodies'. It was a beautiful melody, sweet and serene. It was perfect, as always. I played this piece many times, but the problem was whether I would make my classmates mad.

If I played the piece perfectly like I always do, they'll get angry that their plan to bully me failed. And if I pretended I didn't know how to play it, I would embarrass myself. Although that is a pretty selfish reason. It was a really hard choice; I did not want anybody upset and think I'm a person who shows off. I heard surprised gasps; echo inside the room, even Yukito-sensei was amazed. I ended the piece softly and stood up. I noticed Hano-san's eyes wide and her mouth open.

"That was beautiful Kinomoto-san. You have talent, playing this piece so well at your age." Yukito-sensei complimented me.

I bowed slightly in response.

"Ok everyone; please begin practicing for your next test!" Yukito-sensei ordered.

The class scattered as I headed back to my seat. Hano-san grabbed my shoulder tightly. "You better be careful slut," She warned me in a dangerous tone that made me shiver slightly. She released me from her grasp and stalked away. I began unpacking my flute. Syaoran approached me and said. "You were great! You can play the piano too?"

I nodded.

"Wicked!" Hiiragizawa-san complimented.

"What other instruments can you play?" Meiling-san asked.

_'All of them,'_ I wrote.

"No way! You have a lot of musical talent!" Daidoji-san turned starry eyed. "When you play next time, tell me I'll make you the best dress on earth! I'll bring my video camera too!"

"Moyo, you always have your cameras." Meiling-san sweat dropped.

"So?" Daidoji-san pouted.

"Come one guys, let's set up before Yukito-sensei comes here." Hiiragizawa-san suggested.

"Fine," Daidoji-san and Meiling-san said.

As we went through music class Meiling-san and Syaoran asked for help a few times. Well actually Syaoran asked a few times, Meiling asked a lot of times. Hiiragizawa-san played the clarinet, Daidoji-san played the piano, Syaoran played the alto saxophone and Meiling-san played the violin. When the end of the day bell rang, Syaoran and the gang pulled me from my locker all the way to a car. Then drove me all the way to the amusement park Syaoran talked about earlier.

"Which one do you want to go first Sakura?" Meiling-san asked.

I shrugged.

"Come on there must be one you want to go on!" Daidoji-san exclaimed.

I shook my head.

"Fine, then we'll go to that roller coaster first." Meiling-san pointed at a violet and red roller coaster. It had three loops and one high drop.

I winced.

"Let's go then." Hiiragizawa-san suggested.

We rode on the roller coaster and rode it repeatedly ten times! It was a wonder that I survived. Meiling-san and the others were totally fine. Then I got dragged to a few other roller coasters, a few where we stand up. Get wet, spin around or go really high and fast.

"I saved the best one for last!" Meiling-san shouted excitedly. She guided us to the front of a house. Not just any house though.

A haunted house.

"Wai! It's going to be so fun." Daidoji-san jumped for joy.

I shook my head furiously. I hated scary things like this.

"If you're ever scared you can hold onto my arm Tomoyo" Hiiragizawa-san said seductively to her. Daidoji-san's face turned slightly pink.

"Then let's go!" Meiling-san said as she started walking in.

I backed off a bit and showed them a note on my book that I wrote amazingly fast on. _'You guy can go in, I'll wait out here.'_

"Why?" Hiiragizawa-san asked.

"Can it be that you're scared?" Syaoran started smiling mischievously.

I shook my head really quick. I'm not going to tell him that, with that smile on his face who knows what he might do.

"Then there's no problem." Syaoran grabbed my hand and dragged me inside. That jerk, I know he knows I'm scared. What is he planning? Then he added. "If you're actually sacred you can grab onto my arm because it's too late to turn back."

So that's it. It is not too late! I can see the entrance still. But I still shook my head in defiance at him.

"Whatever you say." I swear I just saw him smirk, but the lights were just too dim around here to make sure. Daidoji-san, Meiling-san and Hiiragizawa-san were behind us.

It was pretty much only darkness for the first few minutes. Then suddenly random things popped out, first it was little with ghost with blood-shot eyes popping out of their sockets. Then weird eerie sounds started when black bats started to appear. It all seemed so real it started freaking me out. My older brother Touya told me way too many scary stories when I was little and gave me way too many horror movies to watch.

I tried my best to hide my fear, as I walked aside Syaoran. There was no way I was going to hold onto his arm. Beside even if he did offer, it might actually be really bothersome to him. But after the next thing popped out, all fear went loose. A headless horsemen came galloping right through me, a devil and bloody servants were seen, frankensteins and vampires appeared every where. Ghosts of all species and three-eyed monsters went flying through the air. Noises around me went haywire. This was all just too much for my mind to handle so I did the first thing any other mute person would do. I jumped and bent down till all of it was over.

And somewhere in that process I grabbed onto Syaoran's arm tightly like it was the last string of my life.

"So you _were _scared." I heard Syaoran's cocky voice beside me.

I looked at him and then where I was grabbing and quickly let go. I started walking again but not before the distance between us were a big as it could possibly be. Luckily the dimness here was able to cover the crimson red blush that was creeping onto my cheeks.

I thought I saw Syaoran smirk again and walked over to where I was and wrapped his arms over my waist protectively. "I told you, you could hold onto my arm when you got scared." He whispered into my ear. I felt his bangs tickling my cheeks. My blush deepened.

We were almost at the exit, as much as I don't want to admit it; I was a lot calmer when he was holding me. I was actually almost having some fun, which was something that hasn't happened to me for the longest time.

As I was about to smile a scene appeared in my mind, a boy running across a street and a speeding car coming forward. The boy dived and pushed something, he didn't have time to get up the car crashed into him, and blood splattered everywhere. '_Do not forget_ 'a ghostly voice whispered in my mind.

My eyes widened in terror. I immediately released myself from Syaoran's hold and started running forward and didn't stop till I reached the exit. I panted as I bent forward holding onto a tree for support. How could I forget? I'm not allowed to have this. I'm not supposed to have it. My atonement was there for years and I almost forgot about it.

"Sakura!" I turned and saw Syaoran running this way. "What was that about?"

I shook my head.

"It's your atonement thing again isn't it?" He frowned.

I nodded this time.

"God damn it Sakura! Why are you treating yourself like this! I don't believe anything that you've done in this world took your rights away to have friends, to be happy, to laugh….to talk." Syaoran looked straight into my eyes. "I swear to god one day I'll make you see that."

"Syaoran! Sakura!" Daidoji-san ran up to us. "That was fun wasn't it?" She looked at our solemn faces and frowned "What's wrong?"

"Sakura and her atonement again." Syaoran answered shortly. Daidoji-san and the others knew that I had an atonement that I bestowed into myself and they too, disagreed with it.

"Sakura, again?" Meiling-san asked.

I made no movement.

"Well then the first step to breaking this atonement of yours is for you to call us without all that formality crap." Hiiragizawa-san said straightforwardly.

"Yeah, call us with our first names and no –kun, -san or –chan" Meiling-san added.

I was about to shake my head but Daidoji-san stopped me. "Don't even think about saying no to us. You're doing it and that's final!"

I sighed before I nodded. Are all people related to them like that?

"Next time let's go shopping!" Tomoyo squealed.

"Yah!" Meiling agreed.

"Sure, but we are NOT going to hold your bags for you." Syaoran emphasized.

"Come on Syaoran," Meiling whined.

"Yeah come on!" Tomoyo gave him the puppy eyes. When it didn't work she went to Eriol. And Eriol being her boyfriend and all couldn't resist the puppy eyes at all.

"It's your funeral." Syaoran said when Eriol agreed.

"No you're carrying with me." Eriol said.

"No I'm not," Syaoran argued.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Hey." Tomoyo started to say, as her eyes began to glint. "If Sakura is coming with us she'll have some stuff to carry too wouldn't she Syaoran?"

"I'll help," Syaoran volunteered almost immediately. Correction, before Tomoyo even finished her sentence.

But why would he volunteer to help if I had something to carry? Moreover more why did I turn red inside the haunted house? Well he _is _the hottest guy I ever met of course I would go red, right?

**Thanx 4 Reading!**


	5. Chapter 5: Family

**Family  
**

_No one to save her,_

_No one to look for her,_

_She stands without help,_

_A lost angel._

I once said to Syaoran and the others that they were degrading there popularity status, y hanging out with me. But they said they didn't care at all and when I asked why, they said they were doing this because they want to.

"Hey Sakura!" Syaoran came running up to me. I was used to him doing this now. "All of us are going to come to your house today right?"

He was right. Syaoran, Meiling, Tomoyo, Eriol and I were going to try deciding what we should do for the school music talent show hosted by Yukito-sensei that was announced yesterday. They made me part of their group and everything. I really, _really_, did not want them to come, but what can I do?

All of them were attacking me with puppy dog eyes and begging me, except Syaoran and Eriol of course the have their 'manly pride' to worry about. I nodded to confirm that I got my parents permission yesterday. My parents were really surprised; I never had anyone come over even if it was just for a project so they are now excited to meet my 'friends'.

"Great!" Meiling said panting as she caught up to Syaoran. Tomoyo and Eriol were panting as well. Syaoran must run really fast.

"Out of breathe already? You guys need to exercise more." Syaoran lectured.

"Well excuse me, Mr. All-Star-Athlete. Tomoyo and I happened to _only_ be in the home economics club." Meiling emphasized. She stood up properly and flashed her ruby eyes dangerously at him. Her crimson shirt that read 'bite me' was soaked with sweat and her jeans were definitely not made for running.

"Look Meiling, you used to take harder training when where learning martial arts! Anyways, you should seriously quit the home economics club and do us all a favor by not poisoning us." Syaoran backed off. He had not one drop of sweat on his face, talk about Mr. All-Star-Athlete. "And Eriol you take soccer, where you slacking again?"

"Shut up!" Meiling and Eriol shouted.

"Touchy," Syaoran placed his hands up. "But I'm only stating the facts." I saw a glint in his eye, he must be enjoying this.

"Stating the facts? Oh really?" Meiling placed her hands on her hip and started leaning her weight on one leg. "Alright then I'll just state some facts to Sakura for you,"

I saw all colour on Syaoran's face drain. What did Meiling want to tell me?

Meiling walked over me and used her hand to cover the side of her mouth and my ear as she whispered something that all of us could hear. I think she was doing it on purpose. "You know Sakura…"she started.

She would have finished if Syaoran didn't suddenly grab me and pushed me towards the school and nervously saying. "Its nothing you have to worry about Sakura, she just wanted to embarrass me by saying, um… how I… uh, locked myself out of the house the whole night! Yeah that's it! So you have nothing to worry about!" He continued to push me forward. When I looked back to glance at him, I thought I saw his cheeks turn red. I wonder why?

I shook my head. I didn't buy his story, but who am I to doubt others? If they want me to believe them I will.

The bell rang, school was over the attacks from certain people were over. I walked out of the school and went straight to the front gate to wait for Syaoran and the others. It was really hectic today, people booed me when teachers were around, saying I was stuck-up and didn't deserve to be around Syaoran and the others.

Syaoran defended me when that happened but I can't help but agree with those people. I lost my books for the fifth time today and needed to get another one. My desk disappeared a few times, so Syaoran or the others shared their desks with me or I got a new one. I tugged my white blouse repeatedly, my hair was ruffled by the wind and I didn't bother to fix it.

My emerald eyes held no emotion as people past by. It was like I was looking through everything. Syaoran and the others were the only ones to see other than that. Anxiety, worry, sadness, fear and irritation were the only emotions that my eyes held for the longest time.

"Sakura! Did you wait long?" A familiar voice yelled.

I turned my head around and saw Syaoran and the others running here. I shook my head at their question.

"Let's go!" Tomoyo grabbed my hand as I nodded. Her hands were soft and warm, unlike my cold and rough hands.

I guided them to my house which was an only ten minute walk from here. Tomoyo kept talking about after were finished the project she wanted to take my measurements to make clothes for me. She would always say how kawaii I would look even though I was already very kawaii. Eriol was trying to annoy Syaoran, which he succeeded very well at. And Meiling would just kind of help Eriol. Payback I guess.

When we reached my house they stood there to observe it. My house was pretty big, it had a nice front yard, no broken windows or anything else and it gave off this warm feeling. I opened the door with my key and allowed them to go in first. They complimented how neat my house was. Then my mother and father came in. I introduced them with my notebook. '_This is my father, Fujitaka Kinomoto and my mother Nadeshiko Kinomoto' _They all bowed in respect, I added that I had a brother named Touya who they would meet later.

We went to the living roomand started discussing exactly how we should do it. Meiling had an idea and said we should be like a band. We would have two singers Tomoyo and Syaoran. Syaoran had a really good voice according to most people. I would be the pianists, Eriol would be the guitarist and Meiling would be the drummer. When Syaoran asked how was it possible for Meiling to play any type of instrument. Meiling said that she could actually play the drums and all she needed was a little more practice.

Syaoran doubted her but for some reason when I wrote down that we should believe her he agreed immediately. We also decided to write the song ourselves. After and hour we decided to continue next time we had a few weeks after all. My mother and father brought some snacks and I politely accepted.

"Hey Sakura, why are you so polite to your parents?" Eriol asked. As began leaning on the coach.

I gave him a questioning look.

"You treat them like their your guests and not really like parents." Eriol clarified. He grabbed a cookie from the table.

I nodded. I did treat my family members with a lot of respect.

"You don't really look like them either, not to be rude or anything." Meiling added.

I shook my head. She wasn't rude, just curious.

"You're right." Tomoyo agreed with Meiling. Her legs were crossed and her light blue dress was folded. Her dress was up to her knees and was short sleeved.

Syaoran was sitting next to me and hadn't said anything for a while. He was wearing mossy green khakis and a t-shirt with a picture of a hawk. He was looking around before he asked. "Are all those pictures of a baby boy your brother?"

I nodded. There were a lot of pictures of Touya.

"Really?" Tomoyo asked. "He looks so kawaii!"

"He is!" Meiling exclaimed as she began staring at the pictures as well.

"But why are there no pictures of when Sakura were little? There are so many of her older brother" Eriol brows furrowed. He was sipping his coffee. My mother and father had just entered and froze when they heard Eriol's question.

"You're right," Syaoran commented as he turned to me, he seemed to have noticed my parent's action. "Why are there no pictures of you?"

"That's because-" My mother started but I held up my hand saying it was alright.

"Is there something wrong?" Tomoyo asked as a weird atmosphere rose.

I shook my head and began writing the answer to their question. Its not like it was a big deal. _'The reason there is no picture of me when I was a baby is because I wasn't here at the time.'_

"What are you talking about Sakura?" Meiling's head fell sideways.

"Of course you were here, don't tell me you were born as an eight year old!" Eriol said jokingly.

I shook my head. _'There is also a reason why I don't look like my parents and is extremely polite to them. I wasn't here until I was eight years old and that's because.'_ I took a deep breathe and wrote, _'They aren't my real parents, they adopted me.'_

**Please Review! Thanx 4 Reading!**


	6. Chapter 6: The Beginning of My Reason

**The Beginning of My reason  
**

_She loved once and trusted twice,_

_But lost it all,_

_Afraid to go on,_

_A lost angel._

"Adopted?" Meiling swallowed.

"God I'm sorry for asking you this Sakura," Eriol apologized.

I shook my head. It wasn't as if it was a big deal or anything.

"I know I'm being rude but what happened to your original parents?' Syaoran carefully asked. He was sweating a bit.

_'Would you like to read my story?' _I asked.

"Eh? Is that okay? I mean if your uncomfortable-" Eriol started.

I shook my head. I'll just tell them minimum information.

I rotated my wrist as I prepared it for a lot of typing. I had a projector because we got it for a cheap price. When I needed to write really long things I used this instead. My parents sat down too uncertainly I gave them a reassuring look. I owed a lot to them; I don't want them to feel uncomfortable because of me. I placed slender fingers on the keyboard lightly before typing about a few days before I became adopted.

_'Eight years ago'_ I began, _'my family and I moved from the Hokkaido to Tokyo. It was a usual day in the house. My mother was on the phone as I ate breakfast my father was not present, neither was my brother. People would think this is perfectly normal family, but its not. My mother was screaming on the phone at people who were just doing there job. The people were the secretary's at the school I was supposed to transfer to, my mother was screaming because she thinks it's too troublesome to go through all that paper work. _

_The reason my father was not present was because he doesn't live here. He lives in Tokyo but no where near us, my mother and father are divorced. My brother has not been in the house for a year. He's not dead; he is just in the hospital and is currently in a coma. My breakfast was old bread and almost expired butter. We are not poor though, in fact we are very rich. We can get the best food if we wanted to._

_So why are we eating such poor food? We're not, it's just me. I'm the only one who gets this type of meals, even our maids eat better than this. Why? Because my mother and father hate me, they believe everything was my fault which I don't deny because it is. The reason they why they hate life because of me. Ever since I was born they said their life has taken a turn for the worst. They say that if only if I wasn't ever born everything would have been the best, if only if I didn't exist._

_So to relieve their stress they became cruel to me, they made me live in the basement, gave me the worst meals and treated me like an object. My mother slammed the phone and walked over to me giving me her usual tantrums. "Everything is your fault! Why should anyone have to go through all that trouble just to give you an education and a place to live, when you don't even appreciate it?!" She was wrong, I did appreciate it but I stayed silent. She then continued. "If only you weren't here! Your father, brother and I would be having a happy life without having to worry about you!" She slapped me hard on the face and left._

_I rubbed my cheek silently, I would have cried about this before but I didn't anymore, I was used to it. _

_I was nine years old I did not start school till next week. I was always outside of the house when I had nowhere else to go because my mother hates my presence. I do not want to cause trouble for my mother and ask her to drive me to places. I'm already fortunate enough that she allows me to have education and a place to eat and sleep. So I shouldn't complain and I don't have the right to._

_Three days later my mother mysteriously asked me to go out with her; even my father was with her. We drove in the car for a long time and I began to fall asleep. I continued to wonder where we were going. When I finally woke up all my questions were answered, I wasn't in the car anymore. I was alone on a park bench with only my flute, notebook and pencil. I was abandoned._

"What?!" Meiling jumped up. "Its one thing that they blame you for things that are probably not your fault and now the abandon you?"

The others were silent and wide eyed.

I shook my head in disagreement and continued with my story.

_I had no clue to where I was, I started wandering for hours on streets I did not recognize, I just moved here after all. I was not going to go the police and ask them to take me back to my mother's house. If she wants to get rid of me than I'll respect her wishes, there was no point in returning to a place where I'm not wanted. My parents were probably planning this for a while._

_Even though it's not really surprising that they abandoned me, it still hurts. What was I expected to do anyway? I don't know anyone I know which hospital my brother is in but I don't know where it is. I'm only a normal eight year old girl who refuses to speak. As the sun died down I climbed up an oak tree that was bare of any leaves. Which was to be expected considering it was the middle of winter. I looked down on my lonely footprints on the snow. My ragged coat and scarf barely kept me from freezing to death._

_I had no where to go, I did not want top go to the orphanage. The kids there would probably just bully me for being mute. I hugged legs protectively as I shivered in the cold; he wind tousled my long auburn locks. Sad and lonely is all I felt. I released my legs as I began unpacking and setting up my flute. At times like these I released my feeling through music. When I finished I stood up on the thick branch careful not to lose my balance. Pieces of bark peeled off the tree as I got ready to play. As usual a melody began to create itself inside my head; I never knew why I was able to create music off the top of my head. But whenever I touched an instrument, melodies based on my feelings began to emerge._

_I gave a small smile as my emerald eyes began to twinkle with life. I took a deep breathe and started playing a bitter sweet melody. It was gentle and sad at the same time. I closed my eyes while the tune melded together with the wind and serene sounds around me. The song soon came to an end; I detached the flute from my lips. I heard some clapping blow me, my eyes fluttered open as I peered down. _

_"That was really good; you have a lot of talent." It was a lady in her late twenties; she had long wavy dark brown hair and soft gray eyes. She was wearing a bright red overcoat that had furs on the rim of the hat and knee high boots. Beside her was a man in his late twenties with half-rimmed glasses, honey brown hair and cerulean eyes. He had formal shoes, black pants and a winter coat. He was holding the hand of a boy who seemed a little older than me. The boy was wearing the same type of coat as the man who I was guessing was his father. He had running shoes and a green checkered scarf. He dark brown eyes and had his dark brown hair._

_I continued to observe them, curious about what they wanted. The mans deep, male voice broke my thoughts. "It really was where are your parents though?"_

_His voice was kind and gentle; it made me want to trust him. But I was a little girl who shouldn't randomly talk to strangers so I didn't answer him._

_"If you don't want to answer its understandable, after all I'm a stranger so you must be scared." The man continued. "My name is Fujitaka Kinomoto and this is my wife Nadeshiko and my son Touya."_

_I stared at them they were being really friendly, just introducing to themselves to a random girl they met on the streets. I saw smoke cloud in front of me as I breathed._

_"Where's your family? It's getting really late" He asked again._

_I started writing on my note pad and showed it to them, it read 'I don't have a family'._

_"Can't you talk?" The boy Touya asked abruptly._

_I was used to being asked that so I wasn't fazed at all. "That's rude Touya" I heard Mrs. Kinomoto scold. Then she turned to me and said sweetly. "Why don't you come here so we can face you properly?"_

_I climbed down the tree with my stuff and looked up to them. "Do you have anywhere where you can go sweety?"_

_I shook my head. _

_"Then would you like to come with us?" Mr. Kinomoto asked. _

_I gave them a confused look. The couple laughed. "Were saying that you can stay with us till you find a place to live? We might even keep you; I've always wanted a daughter." Mrs. Kinomoto explained._

_I wrote 'is it okay?' on my note pad._

_"Of course!" Mrs. Kinomoto exclaimed as she grasped my hand. Her hand was really warm just like her. "What's your name?" I quickly wrote it down and showed it to her. She read it out loud. "Sakura, what a nice name" The Kinomoto family led me down the streets to a gigantic mansion. We entered the mansion maids came and took our coats, Mrs. Kinomoto lead me to a room with a fireplace. "What happened to your family Sakura?"_

_Should I tell them? That I was abandoned. They seem to be nice trustworthy people. So I wrote my story to them. They were wide mouth, Mrs. Kinomoto hugged me, "what cruel people they are abandoning their own child and pinning their blames on her." She stated. _

_I shook my head, I wanted to say my parents were right but the Mr. Kinomoto started to say something. "Sakura, do you want to go back to your parents?"_

_I once again shook my head._

_"Then would you like to be part of our family?"_

_My mouth formed into an 'o'. I went into deep thought; I shouldn't take advantage of their kindness, and cause trouble for them like I did to my family. But I have no where else to go. I nodded my head._

_Mrs. Kinomoto smiled at me. "How old are you?" _

_I wrote down my age on my notebook and showed it to her._

_"Eight? Really? Touya is just three years older than you. Touya! Come here you have a sister now." _

_I turned my head to Touya; I've only heard him speak once. I wondered if he didn't like me. Touya came over and hugged me in a brotherly like way. I hugged him back, I felt safe and warm. So I guess he didn't hate me._

_The next few weeks were concentrated on making me part of the Kinomoto family. Soon I was finally known as Sakura Kinomoto, I was very happy. I tried not to cause trouble them by not asking for anything and only talked when spoken to. I was very thankful, but I still blamed myself for ruining my other family's lives so I can not permit myself to be happy. My atonement will continue with me till death.'_

**Thanx 4 Reading!**


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